Current Edition : April, 2004

A Viewpoint:

Marriage - Why so difficult to understand
Dr Uma Yaduvansh

Matrimony for the visually disabled maiden is a big hassle. Few are aware of the emotional stress, anxiety and mental agony they undergo while searching a suitable matrimonial alliance for themselves. Jarring it may sound but it is a ground reality that a visually disabled maiden is left to herself to find a groom not only by the society, but by the parents as well.

The visually handicapped female is subject to more alienation and segregation in society than her male counterpart due to gender discrimination in India. Leaving aside those born lucky, are economically affluent and whose parents are supportive and helping, a blind female faces total indifference, apathy and rejection from parents, relatives and society in general. Mothers of disabled children usually take it as a stigma upon themselves to have given birth to a defective child and that too, a female one. It is an every day experience that mothers avoid taking their disabled child along with them while interacting socially. Afzel Jehan Friese, Consultant, UNICEF, New Delhi, also acknowledges the fact that a disabled child is an added financial, physical and emotional burden.

To understand the functional limitations and the dimensions of the problem one has to keep in mind one important and very vital fact that the visually handicapped are disabled persons but with a difference. They lack comparability with other disabled persons firstly because all blinds are not alike. To quote Bata K Dey, blinds are those who suffer from either of the following conditions:

1. Total absence of light
2. Visual acquity not exceeding 6/60 or 20/200 (Snellen) on the better eye with correcting lenses.
3. Limitation of the field of vision subtending an angle of 20 degrees or worse.

Secondly, in the absence of eye contact, visually disabled use their tactual senses. They perceive objects by touch. This handiness has been accepted as a very important and accurate mode of communication, which is not socially accepted in India due to constraints of our traditional society.

Thus, disability of the blind is different in nature and measure from other disabled but sighted persons. Accordingly the difficulties encountered also need situational analysis and their timely solution because not only problems and difficulties are myriad but also the "causes are also diverse."

The schooling up to class XII takes place in blind schools established for boys and girls respectively. It has much to do with their approach towards life and attitudinal behavior combined with parental apathy. Integrated education for the blind is a recent phenomenon and that too is not universal. Rules and regulations inside the blind schools and its hostels are strict. Exposure of the inmates to the outside world is nil. Interaction with the sighted is minimal except when they are taken out by the authorities to debate or to compete. Life and environment is so different that an inmate of the school remarked that Tihar Jail would be a far better living place than a blind school hostel. The girls as such grow shy, sensitive and very conscious of their disability. Many develop negative attitudes and suffer from inferiority complex.

The first regular contact of the visually impaired begins when they join colleges and start living in college hostels. It is here they get the first feel of freedom. College life makes them mobile and socializing with the outside world becomes easy. They start visualizing outside environment with the help of college and hostel mates. This situational change not only makes them bold and creates self-confidence in them but also helps them in self-introspection and self-evaluation. Slowly and steadily they start thinking about their future and focus attention on early settlement in life and justifiably so.

Fact file shows that in majority of the cases family is not helping the girls in finding a prospective husband. It refuses any financial help in case the female takes initiative and chooses her life partner. There is a particular case where the family has refused to negotiate the marriage of their blind daughter telling her that they "cannot and will not find a suitable match for her". Further probing revealed that the family has refused to participate in the marriage celebrations also if and when the girl fixes the alliance herself. Strange but true, the same family takes enough pains and marries the blind son, her real brother, with a sighted girl. Also, the daughter has been asked not to think of marriage at all and devote her life in social service! Factually speaking, the family's attitude is highly irremissible.

The prospective grooms of the visually disabled maidens are available both in the field of education as well as government jobs. Academically they can go up to Ph.D. degree and get employed as teachers, lecturers and professors. The government accommodates them in class III or class IV category of service. The National Center for the Visually Handicapped, the 1960 Phansa Project, the Ram Krishna Mission, Narendrapur, Calcutta and the Helen Keller International, Madurai, trains them as farm hands to work on orchards, vegetable gardens, dairy, goat and sheep rearing, cottage industries and run petty village shops. Job wise they become announcers at railway stations, bus stations and airports. They become packers, stenographers, lathe operators, press or telephone operators, instrumentalists, musicians, drillers and fitters etc. Recently they have become computer programmers as well.

Partially blind can become dak-messengers, dispatch clerks, liftmen, receptionists, retiring-room attendants, gardeners and lottery ticket sellers. Recently they have been found working at PCO's.

Irrespective of their job and economic status, the blind male, whether total or partially impaired, goes for a sighted spouse in the first instance. In other words he refuses to consider a non-sighted girl no matter how high she is placed in service and is economically beneficial. Here are two samplers:

1. A totally blind bank employee has rejected a partially blind, also working in a bank and drawing equal salary. He marries a matriculate, but sighted girl.
2. A totally blind schoolteacher has rejected a blind schoolteacher and married a non-matriculate but sighted girl.

Told in confidence and on condition of anonymity:

1. If sighted girls are not available readily, the visually handicapped male prefers to buy his wife rather than settle down with a visually impaired spouse.
2. Matrimony with the non-sighted working girl is always his last choice.

It is observed that the visually impaired female further finds her wings clipped because the otherwise disabled male with sight also goes for a sighted match only and gets it easily. Reasons are also handy. With concessions here and there and job reservations available, life is better managed with a sighted partner. This quirky reasoning has some substance.

Thus visually disabled maiden finds that marriage for her is always a compromise and a sacrifice. We have instances where marriages have been solemnized between the non-sighted also. Without probing the success or failure of these alliances, these marriages are a compromise in some cases where a female is fourteen years younger. Again it is a compromise marriage where the female earns treble the amount of male's earning showing gross economic disparity. It is a sacrifice where the male is unemployed and the female is working.

We have yet to hear a case where sighted male has proposed marriage with a blind female on equal ground.

Some murky facts have come to light too. The unemployed sighted youth has shown eagerness to tie marital knot with the working blind female announcing that he wants to help the damsel in distress and render social service. The proposal was outright rejected but he is prepared to wait and win!

There is another reported case where middle-aged married man with teenaged children is anxious to divorce his wife and marry the blind maiden on the ground of mental compatibility.

All these trends show that the issue of matrimony for the visually impaired maiden is serious, genuine and highly sensitive. No practical solution is in sight. Though sighted or visually impaired male cannot and should not be coerced to enter into alliance on moral, ethical or social grounds remedial steps must be taken to prevent unethical trends and promote healthy alliances. Marriage is a very personal affair. One should not forget that disaster in matrimony between sighted female and blind male is not a rarity. Adequate steps should be taken by social workers, NGO's and NSS Programme officers (where blind project is very popular) to bring the blind male and female on a common platform and provide opportunities for better communication and understanding with each other.

A good suggestion has come from one partially blind schoolteacher. She wants that a marriage bureau should be opened for the blind, which will work as good database. It should be made compulsory for all disabled male and female to provide their bio-data and keep it updated.

To conclude, the visually impaired female faces a very vexing situation. It is irksome and immutable. Till the visually impaired male comes to terms with the ground realities of life, matrimony for the blind female will remain a Herculean task.